I am grateful for the weekends.

Greg pointed out that I hadn't blogged since Thursday.  To be honest I am surprised that he even keeps up on this thing!  I guess considering it goes straight to his phone to let him know when I have posted something it makes it easy; it definitely wasn't my "you don't even care, you think it's stupid" pity party....right?!!!  Ha, well either way at least I know I have one follower on this thing who is up to date.  Thanks boo! 

We finished my taxes today!  Woo hoo!  Although I am not getting a bunch back, I am happy to be getting anything!  It is going directly to savings for a trip.  Unfortunately, NZ was hit with a pretty big earthquake so I am wondering if that will be the best place to visit.  It is already almost March and I haven't started any plans yet.  I am getting antsy.  Even if it means a bunch of little road trips than that is just fine, I just need to GO somewhere, anywhere!!

My Papa is home.  He is hanging in there.  The hardest part is the waiting, the not knowing if today will be the day.  We all know it is coming it is just a matter of when.  For now I am going to thank God for another day with him.  Death is a very tricky thing, especially for those who are religious or spiritual.  Although I beleive that the soul passes on to somewhere great, there is still a mourning for those that are left behind.  Just today, I was opening up the fridge and looked at Justin's funeral card.  A year ago I would have never imagined having it there.  Every day I look at it but today it hit me and I said "I cannot believe that he is dead.  He is DEAD!"  Those words were extremely powerful and the finality of the word dead is harsh.  I miss him. 

I pass by his Dad's house on my way home from my Remicade Infusions.  After he had died I would cry every time I drove by thinking back to all the memories.  I would talk to him and somehow by coincidence Dave Matthews Band would come on the radio at just the right moment.  He loved them, I will never listen to another song of their without thinking of him.  Just yesterday as I was driving home, I was feeling really down.  I was quietly thinking to myself that I hate getting this treatment.  I hate sitting there with a needle in my arm for 2 hours while chemo pumps into my veins.  I felt sorry for myself and was beginning to allow myself to go to a dark place.  I drove by Justin's Dad's turn and my mind shifted.  I thought of him.  I turned the station of my radio to find "Ants Marching" playing my DMB.  Instantly I began to cry.  I felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself while he is no longer here.  Then, Bob Marley "Three Little Birds" came on.  

"Don't worry, about a thing...cuz every little thing is gonna be alright."

I cried some more but then I smiled.  

I felt his presence.  I knew he could hear me and that he was sending me a message.  I've got the most beautiful angel looking over me and he sent me the perfect message.