Wedgie.

This morning I sat at my desk and drank my iced coffee that I brewed with some cinnamon for added flavor. About once a month or so I get a craving and desire for an Acai Bowl.  It is a delectable treat- a brazilian berry blended up with banana, apple juice, and then topped with granola and fresh banana slices.  Only problem is it is $6.25, pretty steep price for a ridiculously frugal person like me. I normally run through a series of debate within my mind of it i really need it or not, so when i do decide to get one it is a pretty big deal.  This morning I decided I needed it. 

As Im walking into "Juice it Up" I notice that it is much more crowded than usual.  There is only one guy manning the blenders and I can tell he is frazzled.  I remember that feeling from back at my smoothie making days of Planet Smoothie.  As he hands the people before me their smoothie the lady grunts "I said I wanted a large not a small."  The poor kid apologizes to her and begins making a new smoothie.  He must have noticed that I was standing there a bit because he looks over and  tells me "sorry and that he will be right with me."  I smiled coyly and told him "not to worry."  I wasn't in a hurry to get back to my office anyway, my boss is gone the rest of the week!

Just then a group of firemen walk in the back entrance.  The group of girls sitting at the table behind me instantly start giggling and staring.  No wonder there is such a cliche about women-it's because of these giggly broads who can't handle a man in uniform.  I made eye contact with one of the guys- I smiled and looked back down to my wallet trying to find my smoothie card. The girls continue giggling, probably trying to get their attention, but the men did not look back.  They are probably used to this. 

I could feel their peering eyes behind me as I continued waiting.  I tried to listen in on their conversation but they weren't talking about much.  I suddenly began to feel self-conscious.  "I knew I shouldnt have worn these pants today, they give me such a wedgie.  I wonder if they notice it."  You see- I have been on this whole work out kick lately and since I don't see people at work I roll out of bed, throw on my workout clothes, brush my teeth, wash my face, and head out the door.  This way I am all dressed and ready to go when i get off and can't make excuses. Not-so-cute-though.

Finally he is ready to take my order.  "I would like to get an Acai Bowl with protein please."  I hand him my ATM card and smoothie card ensuring that I get my 6th stamp gearing up for my freebie.  He stamps it and hands it back.  I quickly move out of the way and go take a seat at the first table. 

The first fireman gives his order and then starts walking my direction.  I awkwardly try to smooth out my frizzy bedhead hair thinking that it will help make me look any more presentable.  He walks over and asks: "Can i sit here?"  (referring to the chair next to me, mind you there are like 6 open tables).  I respond "Sure."  I could feel the sneers of the giggly women, i mean, girls.  They were looking at me like I was the ugly stepsister.  It only fed my ego knowing they were so bitter.

As we are both sitting at the two chaired round table im thinking to myself "Is he going to try and hit on me?"  Nope.  He didn't even say a WORD.  "What a pussy" I thought to myself.  Finally another of the men trails over.  Now I am just straight up uncomfortable and break the awkward silence with something even MORE awkward along the lines of "So are you guys gearing up for fire season or what?"  Duh Teresa.  Of course they are. Hence the uniform and needing to fill up on vitamin nutritious smoothies. 

We continued our short talk.  He asked about what my tattoo meant.  I asked him how long he had been a firefighter.  He asked what I did for a living.  That is when i get my most uncomfortable.  Hesitantly i respond "I work for a mineral makeup company here in town."  He seemed intrigued but before he could even get anything out I blurt out "It's always funny seeing peoples reactions to when i say that and when they look at me.  I mean LOOK at me."  This was my horrible reference to the fact that I looked haggard and I was wondering why in the world these men, or man in particular, wanted to talk with me. 

He laughed and asked how long I had lived here.  We carried on more short talk and awkward laughs.  He got his smoothie before mine and apologized.  I thought that was very gentlemen like of him.  I made some half-ass lame joke about it.  He didn't laugh.  Inside I was belting out with laughter because of how utterly humorous I thought this was.  The sneering girls were getting up to leave now.  The oldest of the crew struts her way past us and to the trash can-not once taking her eyes off this guy-he didn't turn to look once.  Ouch.  Burn.

FINALLY they call my name.  I jump up and grab my bag.  Once again I am thinking to myself "I hope I don't have a wedgie."  Oh the joys of being so ladylike and smooth.  Not-so-much.  I have never been one to have "game" or "sexiness" at least not intentionally.  As I am approaching the exit I say something along the lines of "It was nice talking with you guys and shook their hands and thanked them for their service."  Then I attempt at another not-so-funny joke "If I ever have a fire I will be sure to call you guys to come put it out." HAHAHA REALLY?  One of them laughed, forcefully.  I thought to myself "is this where they ask for my phone number?"  Hurry. Evacuate.  Get outta dodge. 

I got into my car and instantly started to smile and giggle.  I am not sure if I was giggling at the fact that I am so incredibly awkward or smiling because I felt noticed?  Either way is kind of sad- that an encounter in a smoothie shop would be so uplifting.  Being in a longterm relationship I forget what it is like to be in the dating world.  This was my little taste of what that world would be like and it was that of a comedy sitcom. 

I know I would watch my own dating show.  It would be purely entertaining.  Not to mention as soon as i got into my car I picked that wedgie.  And it felt damn good.