Gift

Nothing can prepare you for how to deal with an enormous loss.  I feel internal changes that are reflecting themselves into my external world.  The more I sit with the feelings of my loss the more my life now seems a little less full. The memories continue to rush in like a wave breaking down the levee flooding to my brain.  I miss him with every ounce of my being.  If only I could turn back time.

I knew from the second I got that dreaded phone my life would be forever changed.  More and more of us began piling into my living room.  At times there was complete silence except for the painful cries that we all shared.  We had all lost one of our own.  This kind of stuff doesn't happen, at least not to us, so we thought.  We all held hands and bowed down our heads as I stumblingly said a prayer.  We carried on our cries.

It has been nearly two months now and it still feels as fresh as that Sunday afternoon.  In the weeks since his passing my priorities have been shifted and rearranged.  School and work suddenly feel secondary to the importance of my friendships and nurturing these relationships. I am also taking the time to focus on my needs and desires.  I had neglected to do so prior.  I wish it didn't have to be such a tragic loss that would awaken my sleep walking state of being.  I am humbled and have a deeper appreciation for the beautiful people in my life.

He gave me this gift when I needed it most.