As infants we depend on our parents, or others, to fulfill our basic needs.   We grow older and begin gaining more independence and take on the responsibilty to care for ourselves.  Yet, as adults we rarely recognize or awknowledge the importance and necessity of our emotional needs being fulfilled.  For me my emotional well-being far surpasses the importance of my physical well-being since my state of health is out of control but my emotions are mine to choose.

I read that happines is a "learned behavior that has depth and deliberation to it."  You, not your genes, your job, your family, your friends, or even God, YOU get to make decisions that will either make you happy, or unhappy.  Seems like it should be simple, right?  Anyone who has endured hard times or has had a case of the blues knows that it is not that easy. 

In my previous post I wrote a letter to my future self.  The common theme was my desire to find happiness and peace.  Our psychological well-being is not made up of a single entity.  Our health takes on a holistic approach which includes our emotional, mental, spiritual,  environmental, physical, and social healths.  They cannot exist seperately and work together to determine the wellness of each individual.  Take me for example:

I lived in an unhealthy environment which affected my physical health.  Living with this disease has ultimately affected my mental, and social healths.  My failing health makes me feel disconnected from others and has resulted in isolation.  The isolation has caused me to feel sad, anxious, and at times angry; but it has also cultivated the peace and joy of being alone with my own company.  My emotional health can be a rollercoaster, some days are better than others, but my failing physical health has give me compassion and understanding.  It has also affected my spiritual health, I am discovering my purpose in life and trying to live up to my full potential.  I have strong values, I have learned the importance of prayer, and I have quieted my soul enough to trust the spirit within me as my intuitive guide.  My physical health also dictates the environments in which I choose to expose myself to. 

As you can see, all aspects of health are intertwined and work together to form our overall well-being.  It is important to recognize this in order to fulfill our needs.

These last several weeks (or should I say months) have been both enriching and challenging.  Being sick I have spent a lot of quiet time with myself.  I have looked long and hard at my life and searched my soul for answers to the voice inside me nudging towards something I cannot quite fully comprehend.  I have felt pain and sadness but I have also felt immense gratitude.  My world is crumbling apart but I feel like I know myself and my needs now more than ever.  Proof that our struggles can actually blessings in disguise to grow and be stronger.

I know now that I am not willing to settling for mediocre.  I am not willing to settle because things may be great elsewhere but desperately lacking where needed most.  I am not willing to settle for those who never give and only take.  I am not willing to settle with excuses for myself or others.  I am not willing to allow my disease to hold me back any further than it already has.  I am not willing to give myself to those who do not wish to understand me.  I am simply not willing to settle. 

I have forgiven those who have let me down (and there have been many).  It doesn't matter if they deserve my forgiveness or not, I am reclaiming my power and moving forward.  I deserve to be free.  I am casting out my burdens and seeking out my physical and emotional needs.  I am letting go of the anger and pain that has been wasting my energy and depleting my soul of growth.  I am starting my journey towards enduring, lasting joy.

I have hope and faith that all of this will make perfect sense someday, that I am learning important lessons that will be vital in the future.  God is changing my heart and opening my eyes to the truth. Now it is up to me to make the choices to be happy and free no matter the circumstances.