What a beautiful weekend in Lake Tahoe! 

 

these are some pictures I took with my cell phone so they are not the best quality but you get the idea of how beautiful it was.  We had snow.  We had sunshine.  We had fog.  There was so much snowfall this past week that it broke a record that hadn't been broken in over 50 years!  I don't know the exact amount but I believe it was around 80 inches?  Incredible!

God had His it hand in that.  He had his hand in everything this weekend.  Everything possible to prevent me from going, happened.  But, I knew in my heart that God was calling me up the mountain.  He had a message for me that he knew I needed to hear.  So, I went. 

After some challenges (let me tell you, there were many) we made it just in time for the evening session.  We were greeted with reese's piece's candy and a brochure that said "How Chocolate Saved my Life."  I knew that if this is how the weekend was starting that the rest of the weekend HAD to be good. 

What I loved about this weekend is that even though this was a Christian Women's Retreat and we were all gathered there in faith, it was not overbearingly religious.  We didn't just read scripture and sit around talking about Jesus.  These were real women, with real issues escaping for a weekend while growing in their relationship with God in their lives.  I only knew my sister and had met a few other of the 75 women prior to the retreat.  But, I never once felt uncomfortable.  I felt welcome and secure from the moment I arrived. 

The schedule went like this: 

8:00 am- breakfast

9:00- morning session

12:00- lunch

1:00-6:00- free time

6:00-dinner

7:00- evening session

It was the perfect amount of time being spent in sessions and free time to explore or be alone with your thoughts.  There was no internet.  No TVs.  What a breath of fresh air that was.  During the sessions, women who were chosen (which included my sister Melissa), would get up in front of the group and tell their stories.  All of these stories involved hardship, painful stories that moved me to tears, and yet stories of triumph.  Stories of redemption.  Stories of surrender and grace.  God had been a part of each of these stories.  He has also been a part of mine. 

I have always believed in God.  I have always known He was "there."  I have always spoken to Him and celebrated our relationship.  However, I have not ever been able to surrender my life and control to Him.  I have not allowed for Him to be in charge.  I have been too afraid.  Fear has crippled the growth in our relationship.

Not anymore.

This weekend I surrendered my heart and my life to God.  I have given up control.  What a scary thing this is.  I have faith in His plan for my life.  I know that there are no coincedences with God.  As I listended to the scriptures, and to these women's stories, I was especially moved to tears by a story of a boy being brought back to life.  How God had shown his love and mercy on the woman to bring her son back to life.  He had a plan for not only the woman, but the boy.  This was all part of the legacy of their story. 

It reminded me of my Dad.  He had been brought back to life.  He had been saved.  I knew then that it was by the grace of God but I did not know why.   I know now, that God had a plan.  He knew what was to come for not only my Father but also for our family.  In the years following that day, our family has been through a lot.  We lost everything only to gain everything.  My parents are happy and in love, my Dad is sober, my Mom is not depressed, they are both cancer free, my sisters and I are best friends, my little brother has gotten the childhood we all missed out on.  God had a plan.  He was there every step of the way trying to tell us that He was in control, that everything would be OK, just trust in Him and have faith.  

I cried because I was so grateful.  I cried because I was letting go of the hurt.  I cried because I didn't feel like I deserve His love for me and my family.  I cried because I loved Him.  I cried because I was happy. 

God has been patiently waiting for me for all these years.  Through my Dad's addiction, through the emotional abuse, through my self destructive ways, through my illness and disease, through my depression.  He has always been there.  He was my shelter from the storm of my life.  And he had a plan.  He called me to go to this retreat so that I could hear his message for me.  It went like this:

I love you.  I have always loved you.  I just want you to let go of the burdens you carry.  Let me carry the weight for you.  You are my child, these burdens are my problem, not yours.  Let go.  Believe that I am good.  Trust in my plan for your life.  It is a good one. 

I love you.  I have always loved you.