Pillars

Yesterday on my way home from work I stopped by my Grandparents house to see them.  I walked in the door to find the same familiar setting.  A perfectly clean and tidy house, my Papa sitting on the couch in his favorite spot, and my Grandma in the office doing one of her bazillion different projects.  It was so nice just to sit down and talk.  No production.  Just the three of us centered around the coffee table engaging in real conversation.  This is the interaction that I love and crave from them, not the hoopula surrounding my grandmas neurotic desires. 

I didn't choose my family but I know for certain I would never replace any one of them.  Not even a chance.  Because I know that no matter what chaos we bring into each others lives, that we genuinly love each other.  Especially my grandparents.  My grandmother does not show her love in the way of most.  She directs her attention to the Lord and feels as though if she can lead by example and get us to have a relationship with Him then that is the best kind of love she can offer. 

Yesterday, I finally understood this about my Grandmother.  The lightbulb was sparked.

We were talking about my travels, their travels, suggested travels, memories of past travels and this quickly led into a wider range conversation about life and the importance of travel.  My grandparents moved and traveled, a lot.  My Mom never attended the same school longer than a few years.  My grandma began talking with me about this Bible Study she is doing that is titled "If you knew you only had one month to live" in which you answer a series of questions that include things like: "Who would you want to call and what would you say?"  "What would you want people to remember you by"  "What legacy would you leave behind?" 

"So what did you say?"  I asked eagerly.

My grandpa quickly shouted out, "Well, that is really hard, and could be a long answer!" 

"Actually it wasn't" she said.

"I just want people to remember that I did my best to serve the Lord and do His will for me and that I loved them.  As for who I would call aside from my family or what I would say, that I really don't know.  Other than my love for bible study, art, and family I really don't have any other legacy.  That remains part of my 'what if's' that I will never know."

(my Aunt Holly enters in from work quickly dissipating the intensity of the conversation)

I look to my Grandma and say "Your legacy is much more than that."  She smiled but it seemed as though she did not really believe me.  I believed what I was saying though because I felt it, and feel it.  Even though she does things that are completely ridiculous and drives us all crazy because she cannot and will not slow down, it is her purpose, her legacy.  She is living it.  A part of her already lives on within me.  For that I am blessed.  She is a woman of the Lord, she has helped guide me to my spirituality, she has nurtured my soul, she has rescued me from myself, she shows more strength than anyone I have ever met (even my Mom!).  She has the same disease that I do and has lived a full and prosperous life.  Bless her my beautiful Grandma. 

Not to mention my Papa.  What a kind man who loves my Grandma with all of his heart.  They have shown me what true love is.  He is so upbeat even as his body and mind deteriorates.  I fear we are close to the end.  I arrived to their house just after 3:00 and he had been sleeping all day.  He is always so happy though.  You would never know he was dying.  He is at peace as long as my Grandma is there to care for him.  He cares for her too.  It is very sweet.  Inspiring. 

"Life...is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and proclaiming....WOW!  WHAT A RIDE!"